A Month of “No”‘s

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, something goes wrong? Multiply that by about 10, and you’ll start to understand how I feel. April has been pretty awful for me. I feel like everything I’ve wanted, everything I’ve worked for, hasn’t worked.

I’ll admit, it’s been so hard. I feel so overwhelmed, and I’ve lost the battle with my emotions more times than I care to admit. Let me give you just a few things that I’m talking about:

  • I didn’t get the teaching scholarship I applied for. True, I didn’t get it last year either, but I felt I did better this year, and I was really excited about that.
  • I applied for a tour guide position here on campus, and got a second interview. However, I still got rejected for a job that I want and that I know I would be good at.
  • I lost the election– no, I got cheated out of the election– for History Club so I hold no officer position for next year.

This might not seem like much for anyone else, but it’s a lot for me. Not to mention, I still have to go to classes and do homework and everything else. I don’t have time to be upset over these things, and I’ve just been bottling them in, which is super unhealthy.

I’ve just felt like everything I do, especially in this month, is wrong. I try to remain positive, but this month has tested me so much. It has really shown me to be grateful for everything I have, and not to take anything for granted.

However, there is something good that came out of this month. It reminded me that the best thing about hitting rock bottom is that up is the only way left to go. At this point, it can only get better from here.

I tell you all of this not so you take pity on me, but so I can maybe show you that you aren’t alone. You learn, you fight, you cope, and you grow. The most important thing you can take from any struggle and any form of rejection is that it’s not temporary. Keep fighting, keep going, and you will get better. The situation may not for a long time, but you are more than a situation. I read about people who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt at suicide. All of them who survived realized about halfway down that the solution they were so upset about was temporary. This doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. Believe me, it hurts a lot. What matters is that you don’t stop at the pain. Trust me, it’s okay to still have bad days. I know I still do. There are days where you’re on top of the world, and then the next, you can hardly find the strength to get out of bed. Let me tell you firsthand that there is nothing wrong with you for that.

One of the most important things for a person to overcome a struggle is a support system. Find people close to you. Tell them what’s bothering you. Have them lift you up. You don’t have to do everything on your own. If nobody else will listen to you, I will. I’ll gladly share your pain and your burdens, cry with you, encourage you, and be there for you, even if I can’t do anything to help. You may not be able to fight something alone, but you shouldn’t have to. So find you a good support system. Good friends can make all the difference in the world.

It’s been a really hard month for me. I wish I could have had something more uplifting and cheerful for you guys, but I need to tell you this kind of stuff as well. I claim to be a lifestyle blogger, and it would be hypocritical of me to only blog about the good parts of my life. Because the truth is, my life isn’t always good (shocker, I know). But I think this month will be good in the long run because, like I always say, every opportunity is a learning experience. I will grow from the adversity I’ve faced this month, and I’ll become a better person because of it. And you know what? You will too. So have your good days and bad days and don’t be ashamed of either one. Flowers have to push through dirt to grow. You’ll push through this dirt and bloom into our full selves. So keep fighting and don’t give up. It’s okay to get some dirt on you if it makes you prettier in the end.

Since I’ve been in a more somber note with this post, let me give something that is more positive. I have another opportunity BECAUSE I didn’t get the tour guide job. If I had, then I could not do what I might be doing. I don’t want to give too much away about it just yet, but it’s something really exciting for me. So brighter days are ahead and there are better things in store for you. Just you wait.

Let me know if you have any thoughts or comments!

Love,

Kim ♥

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