Because I’m a teacher, about 85% of my job is relationships. I need to have good relationships with my students and good relationships with my administration. Thus year has unfolded very differently than I anticipated, some of it good and some of it bad. But a lot of it boils down to the relationships I have and the ones I’ve built.

Any teacher will tell you that the first week is really where you build the relationships with students. You figure out who is walking into your room and can start to learn their personalities and idiosyncrasies. From there, you can spend the rest of the school year building on that information and using it to help you become a better teacher.

People in general, whether students or adults, do not want to do something if they don’t have a relationship with the person asking them to complete the task. We’re all inclined to think “who are you to ask me to do this?” But if someone knows who you are and has a relationship with you, you’re probably more likely to complete whatever task is being asked of you.

One thing I do with my students is that I work hard to remember their name correctly within the first week of school. On the first day of school, I ask students what their name is and what they want to be called (in case it’s different than their legal name). I also tell them that if I get their name wrong, I want them to correct me. This way, I can hear how they want it pronounced. And I make it a point to get their name right afterwards. For example, I had a Nigerian student a few years ago. I asked her her name and couldn’t really understand her because she was quiet. I got close enough to get by for that day. But after that class, I put her name into Google Translate, made sure it was set to Igbo, and listened to the pronunciation. I probably listened to it no less than ten times that night. But I wanted to make sure I had her name correct. And from there I was able to call her the right name for the rest of the time she was in the school.

I also try to be real with my students. I apologize for my mistakes when they happen. I show facial expressions and emotions. And as I learn about my students and understand them better, they also understand me better. I have students ask if I’m okay or stressed when something is off. This year, some of my students sang to me on my birthday. They see that I’m human and it allows them to be human.

I know I can’t reach every student. I recognize and accept that. But I do my best to approach them and meet them where they’re at.

But especially in a school, it’s not just the teachers’ jobs to create a good space for students. It’s also part of the administration’s job. My former principal was really good at building relationships with the students, and they really liked her for it. She would talk to them about things that didn’t pertain to school. She was very personable and approachable.

However, on the other side, when that relationship is not there, then the respect isn’t there either. I’ve seen teachers and principal who aren’t able to build that bridge to meet these students. And it’s rough. It’s hard to teach or guide someone with no relationship to them.

The other thing I really try to do is give chances every single day. I try not to hold the mistakes against my students. I give opportunities every day for better things. It’s up to them whether they want to take advantage of it. But I don’t let that cloud my judgment of them too much because they deserve to be able to try again.

Now I’m not saying I’m a perfect teacher. I’ve got plenty of things to work on and improve myself. But I’m good at building relationships.

With the district I teach in, I get a number of students who come in with a lot of trauma, baggage, and heaviness. It really weighs on me some days. Sometimes I’m not sure I’m having any impact. But I keep working with it and trying.

There’s a student in my school who is no longer my student (he was last year), but he knows I’m there for him. I gave him a lot of grace and opportunities. It was rough, and things weren’t always on the best terms. However, during the second semester, he had a couple of panic attacks in my room. I gave him the space to breathe and helped him calm down rather than just sending him off to his next class. He really started opening up to me and trusting me more. Then, as he spent more time with me and trusting me, he started doing better in class. We also found a common interest. He knew I was in martial arts, and his family wanted to get him involved in martial arts too. His grandma actually showed up to the spring Parent Teacher Conference day, and she and I talked for a while. And this year, even though he’s no longer my student, he gives me a hug practically every day. Some of his teachers this year have even asked me what I do to have such a good relationship with him.

The relationships you build in your workplace can often determine how your work goes. If you have good relationships, you’re more likely to enjoy your work. If you have good relationships with people, then work goes better and smoother. If you don’t have professional relationships, then you tend to struggle more.

Regardless of the age or the number of people you’re working with, I think professional relationships boil down to three simple things: respect, openness, and opportunities. Giving others the respect you see, being open and yourself, and providing opportunities are going to go a long way to build relationships.

This is something I’m really seeing this year in my school, both on the good and bad sides of it. It’s putting a lot in perspective, and I’m definitely still figuring a lot out. But I know me, and I know I’m going to keep working to build relationships until I no longer have the opportunity to do so.