Lately, I’ve just felt off. Nothing is wrong, but something isn’t right. The main sufferer has been my personal time and hobbies. My schoolwork is still fine, and I’m on top of just about everything I need to do. I even got my Honors thesis approved and applied to graduate yesterday! So like in that sense, I’m on top of things!
However, I have been neglecting my bullet journal and some other things. I feel like I have to catch up on all these things I’m missing. As a result, it is a current mix between being stressed out or being desensitized to what I need to accomplish. The term “Bullet journal” has been sitting on my to-do list and has been neglected for so long that I know I need to get to it, but I just cannot find the motivation like I used to.
I don’t even know what I could put the blame on. It could be any number of things. But I can see that it’s affecting aspects of my life. For example, here lately I have been posting my blog later than 3:30. Similar to the bullet journal, I am just having a hard time finding motivation to do it on Monday afternoons like I used to. I also feel like I’m in a bit of a writer’s block, and so part of me feels like it’s not worth it to try to write if I don’t have any idea of what I want to write about.
Personally, it feels like I have a lot of catching up to do. The majority of my brain wants to be a perfectionist and wants to have everything done and done right. But I’m working on reprogramming those thoughts to something more realistic.
The truth is, if you try to “catch up” on what you missed, you’re just going to stress and burn yourself out. Trust me, I speak from experience. Rather, it’s better to just start where you’re at and move forward. There isn’t really anything to “catch up” on.
We’re all human. We all make mistakes. We learn from them and grow and do better. Progress is rarely linear. Just because certain things in my personal life are slightly slacking at the moment does not mean other things are. I mentioned my Honors thesis got approved yesterday. To do that, that requires a 2-5 page paper providing a general idea of what you want to do with your thesis. I did quite a bit of research on Sunday and wrote it all out. To get it approved, I talked to my thesis advisor and the associate dean of the Honors College. It took work and effort that I put into it well. I’m pretty excited to see how it turns out and where my research takes me.
Also on Monday, I turned in a 9-page paper. Things is, I had that paper done Thursday. I didn’t have to stress about it over the weekend and worry that it wasn’t done. My work was caught up and ahead of schedule.
On Sunday, I did some cleaning and other cosmetics to the interior of my car. There was a stain on my passenger seat that had been there all three and a half years I’ve owned the car. The interior dome light has hardly worked. I got the stain out, fixed the light, and did a pretty thorough cleaning of the inside of my car. It was something I needed to “catch up” on, but I just did it for where I was. I should probably get the outside washed and buff out some of the scratches, but I don’t NEED to do that or catch up on anything.
I’m in the middle of fixing my thoughts and doing things a little better. I am working on my routine and returning to a place I want to be. I’m not there yet, but I’m not catching up on anything. I am starting where I’m at and fixing things now for the future.
Going back to the bullet journal example, rather than try to rush and catch up on what I’ve missed, I think I am just going to have it ready to go for November instead. That way, I won’t have to play catch up for the days I’ve missed. That will only stress me out or upset me.
I know this post is a little different from what I’ve done recently, but I feel it’s important to share what’s on my mind and what I’m currently going through. I’m not perfect and my life’s not perfect. I’m not going to fool you or trick you into thinking my life is a certain way when it’s really not. I will be honest about what my life is like, just like I’m honest about the stories I tell.