No, I’m not going to start singing Frozen. I think some of you may already be mad at me simply for naming my post that this week.
I tend to be a control freak. I want everything under control, and I want to be able to handle every single thing that comes my way. But that’s an ideal world. In truth, life is much more complicated than that. I can’t handle everything that comes my way, and some things are out of my control. Unfortunately, I don’t always handle that as well as I should. That’s something I’m still working on.
That’s why I didn’t write a post last week. I felt like things were spiraling out of control. I didn’t know how to voice all the things that I was going through. I hate feeling like I’m weak or less than, even if those things are all in my head.
I’m going to be honest. This school year and year in general have been a lot worse on me than I anticipated. There are things that I have been dealing with that I never anticipated. I don’t really want to go into all of the details, but it’s been hard. I’ve had to do a lot of reevaluating certain things, and coming to terms with the things that are beyond my control.
This brings me to the title of my post for the day. While I want things to be in control, there simply are things outside my realm of control and my sphere of influence. I can hold on to them and let them affect my mental health (which I’ve been doing, unfortunately) or I can let them go. At some point, the weight I carry around becomes too heavy. I cannot control or hold onto everything. It’s more harmful than it is helpful. All it ends up doing is hurting me and making me more irritable or worn out. If I continue to go down that path, then I’m going to hate my job and a lot of other things about my life.
So I’m working on letting things go. It’s not something I’m perfect at, and truth be told, I’ll probably struggle with this for a really long time. But I’m working on it. And that’s what matters. A lot of things that happen in my life are out of my control, and that’s okay. It’s more important how I respond to those situations than it is that I control them.
I can only hold on to so much at one time. My hands get full, and my heart gets heavy. It gets too much sometimes. So I have to let things go for my own sanity. I’ve talked about spoons before. Certain things take up too many of my spoons. I can spend all my time worrying about things I cannot control, but that eats away all my energy and spoons.
I’m tired of carrying around heavy things. It adds a lot of weight to myself and I don’t need or want that in my life. Does this mean my life is automatically going to get better? No absolutely not. It’s going to take some time, work, and a lot of effort to get things back on track. But I know it’s a process, and I’m not going to beat myself up about it.
I feel like I should have more to say, but there’s nothing really more to add. This is where I’m at. Life is hard right now, and I’m working through it all. I’m not in the same place I was a year ago, and that’s okay. I grow, change, and do my best to face what challenges come my way. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn’t. So we reset, learn, adapt, and overcome.