My partner and I got into a really good conversation recently, and I think this is something that other people might want to hear as well.

We do a lot of things together, but we also do a lot of things separately. We’re in different careers fields and we have some different hobbies. We don’t have to spend every waking moment doing or working on the same things.

However, this doesn’t mean that we’re not alike. We have similar goals and values, even if our routes are different.

We compared it to playing a video game together. Most of the time, you choose different characters that have different skills and abilities. As you journey through the game together, you’re expected to be at similar levels that way you can fight together or do other important things. If one of you massively outranks the other, then it might end up slowing the game down. However, temporarily being uneven may not be a bad thing. The higher level character can help the lower level go faster, and the lower level character can help the higher level slow down a little to remain even.

This analogy is true with all relationships in life. You should be able to work on your own goals and skills while still working for the common goal. Let me use a real-life example. I’m a teacher. My partner is not. Any certifications, degrees, or skills I develop for my job are my accomplishments alone. However, they benefit us both because it may provide me opportunities for more money or a different job. He can do the same thing in his field as well. We both have a lot of skills that we can work on individually, but these are things that will also end up impacting the relationship.

I wrote on here a couple of weeks ago about my skill tree I’m using. While all of those are individual skills, they can still impact my relationship. It’s important to have both individual goals and partner goals. I work on myself, he works on himself, and we grow together. Some of our goals overlap, and some do not. For example, my goal of wanting to spend time outside overlaps with us trying new things. We go to new places, and now that summer is here, we’re probably going to a number of festivals. Many of those festivals and celebrations will probably be outside. By spending time together, we improve our relationship; by spending time outside, I get closer to my outdoor goal.

A thing to keep in mind when talking about this idea of “Leveling Up a Relationship” does not always mean the same as taking the next step. And this applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones. It’s not about going from friends to best friends, or from dating to engaged. Those are great and important things, but that’s not what I’m trying to stress here. This idea is more about working towards a common goal or objective that improves both parties in the process.

Here is a non-romantic example. I am hopeful to test for my second degree black belt this September. That is one of my goals this year. While I have time this summer break, I want to put the work in by going to class, teaching, and working on my own. It works out that I have a friend who is also trying to do the same thing. We are starting to find time to train together and work on our requirements for our test. This makes our friendship stronger, but it also makes us both more prepared for our test this fall. That is a leveling up of our relationship.

I’m reminded that you can always restart or change your goals. You’re allowed to fix things. You are allowed to make mistakes. I know that I can’t solve all the problems myself (as much as I feel I should be able to). That’s why different relationships are important. And I’m not saying that every relationship needs to have a goal you’re actively working on. Some don’t, and that’s fine too. It is great to hang out, support, and enjoy the people you care about. But it is just as great to be able to work together to progress toward a common goal.

What are you doing for your goals? Who are you bringing into the process? Maybe it’s a romantic partner, maybe it’s just a friend. But there are times we all need someone to help us Level Up.