I write a couple months ago about how when you fail, you can either let it become a setback or make it a comeback.
I still feel that way, but I also need to be real with you. Sometimes life falls apart. It doesn’t always mean you failed. Things just happen. You do what you can, but things don’t always work out.
That’s about where I am now. I’m fine and everything is fine, but I’m a little bit in a rut. I didn’t do anything wrong, but I’ve definitely slipped.
The problem when things fall apart is that you have to put them back together. I’ve noticed that I tend to be stressed out more when my room isn’t clean. It’s not overly messy right now, but it’s messy enough. I need to take care of that to start being able to get back where I want to be.
The other problem that I encounter when things fall apart is that I want them to go right back to where they were. In the case of my room, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But when it’s an experienced that makes things fall apart, then that doesn’t work. You learn, grow, and adapt from the experience. You’re not the same person you used to be. So you can’t fit together exactly the same way that you used to.
When it comes to putting yourself back together, it’s easy to fall into the trap of apathy. Trust me, I do it more often than I care to admit. Putting yourself back together is hard work. It takes time, effort, and intention. It is much easier to just keep falling apart than it is to put things back together. But you never grow that way.
Through all of this, one thing that hasn’t been affected is my teaching. That I still have together. It’s relatively minor in the grand scheme of things but for me, it’s a starting point at least. I’m a little less overwhelmed because I don’t have to try to fix that too. I can actually use that as a starting point in a sense. My earrings are very disorganized and I need to reorganize them that way it’s not a hassle in the morning. Similarly, I need to put my clothes away so they’re easier to find. Then just like that, my room is most of the way cleaned.
I know I need to pull myself out of this, and I know that I will. But I don’t just show you the good parts of my life, even though it would just be easier to do so. I’m human and my life does not always go the way I want it to.
While putting yourself together definitely takes work, it does help. You’re less likely to fall apart the same way the next time. And hopefully when you do fall apart, you have more pieces that didn’t fall apart. This way it’s easier to put yourself back together.
I need to remind myself that it’s okay to fall apart. But don’t stay that way. Take the time you need, but work to getting back to yourself. It may not be exactly who you were before, but that’s okay. It’s part of life. We grow, change, adapt, and overcome. We don’t stay the same. I’m not the same person I was a year ago and I’m glad for that.
I fall apart less than I used to, and it usually takes me less time to put myself back together. I know I’m dramatic, but I’ve really only been apart for about a week. Again, I’m fine. I just have this image in my head of who, what, and where I want to be, and I just get dramatic when I’m not there. Next week I’ll probably tell you all about how I’ve put myself back together and I’m back on track. (I don’t know what I’m writing about yet, but I’m just saying I don’t want you to think that I’m miserable or anything. This is an annoyance that I need to take care of.)
Life falls apart, and that’s okay. Sometimes it needs to happen. Just remember to put yourself back together in a better way. Take as long as you need, and the pieces don’t have to go in any order. But take care of yourself. You’re the only you the world has, and your life is valued and matters in this world.