Last week I wrote about how sometimes things fall apart. I joked that this week I would have everything back and would write about it.
Well I’m writing about it, but I don’t have everything back together. Reality is a little bit more complicated than that.
I mention all the time that I’m still working on me. I’m working to improve and grow and do better. But most importantly, I’m working to be better.
He ideal of putting yourself back together is that you don’t have any bad days. You can push through any discomfort and come out stronger than before. Nothing is going to happen except what you want to happen and it’s only going to be good things and progress.
The reality of putting yourself back together is much more complicated than that. Things don’t work out the way you plan. Life gets in the way. You can’t just call a timeout to neglect your responsibilities to get things back together. You have to juggle them while fixing the messed up things.
Putting yourself back together takes time, effort, and discipline. It’s taking small steps in the right direction. It’s not necessarily fixing everything at once. It’s working on it one small thing at a time.
Due to the circumstances, I was out of the gym for about a week, which sucked. But I did what I could. I went on a couple bike rides through the neighborhoods around me. And when I was finally able to go back in the gym, I did what I could to make sure I was there. The workouts I have done so far haven’t set a new PR or anything, but I’m getting back into it. I’m going to the gym and letting myself be sore so that I can get back on track to where I want to be.
I also talked last week about how I need to clean my room because it’s still a mess and it overwhelms me. Well, unfortunately, my room still isn’t clean. I have, however, started putting things away. My shoes are mostly put away, and I’ve put my earrings back on their holdings. While it seems trivial to do these things, they provide a starting point. I can breathe a little more.
I also like to journal at night. Well with everything falling apart, I’ve been neglecting that because missing one day turns into missing five and that overwhelmed me more. So what did I do? I went to the next page and started with the present day. Nowhere does it say that you have to do it every single day. That was an arbitrary rule I made for myself. It’s okay to miss days. It’s okay not to make it up. Putting things back together means starting where you are. You can’t go back and change the past. But you can start where you are and change how your future goes.
I don’t write this to puff myself up. I also don’t write this to lie to you and glamorize my life. I’ve fallen in ruts and my life sometimes falls apart. While you may not see every moment, I want to be honest with you about my life. My life isn’t where I want to be all the time, and that’s okay. I’m always working, learning, and growing. And now, I’m putting things back together. It takes time and effort, but I’m getting there.