I live my life in such a way that I do not have very many regrets. And I am thankful for that. But I know not everyone feels that way. I make decisions that I stick to, and I live with the consequences.

I want to provide a thought process for how I’m able to do this. That way, maybe this can resonate with you if this is something you feel you struggle with or just need help.

My first step to sticking to the decisions I make is that I’m not impulsive about it. I think through actions I am going to take as well as the potential outcomes. Now sometimes, I can be impulsive. However, if it is something major, I will think it through before I make the decision. In my last post, I talked about my new job. I accepted the offer immediately when it came through. This was not because I was impulsive. This was because I had been thinking about this since I started applying for jobs in February and March. I had interview after interview, but doors kept getting slammed shut in my face. So when I did get the job offer, I was already ready to accept it. I had been thinking and preparing for months.

The next step I take is the way I focus my mindset. I think everything I encounter is a learning experience. Some things I learn about myself, some things I learn about other people, and still others I learn about the world around me. Being able to approach situations knowing that I can learn something from it often helps me have a more positive attitude overall. Everything I experience shapes me into the person I’m supposed to be.

You’ve probably heard the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” People, in my opinion, tend to throw that phrase out in hard times or in times of grief. It’s not helpful though in navigating through those situations. Instead, I have started saying “Embrace the person you become because of this.” We all carry grief, pain, and heartbreak of some kind. Those experiences shape you into who you become. You can resist the experiences you have and the changes that come from them. Or you can know that those experiences will prepare you for who you are meant to be. I don’t say that easily. I know how hard it is to hold onto grief and not understand why that happened. Trust me, I have lost people that I love, and I’ve had things happen that I can’t explain. I have been left with question after question. But those experiences have helped me to learn and grow. And even though I still carry the weight of those things that have happened to me, I have come to terms with the fact that these experiences are going to shape me into a better version of myself.

My third step in my decision making process is accepting whatever comes. Sometimes it’s great, and sometimes it’s not. Sticking to my decisions is part of what led me to be a black belt. I didn’t give up and found something that I love! And now I’m a second-degree black belt and a fully certified instructor. I’ve stayed with teaching as my profession even through the hard days. Teaching myself to say “I accept whatever comes” is so powerful in my own journey on personal growth and in all areas of my life.

My final step is to focus on what did happen, rather than concentrate on the “What if”? We all have what ifs in life. But if you focus on those, then you’ll find yourself stuck looking back. You can’t see where you’re going if you’re always looking backward. We’re supposed to travel forward through life. Progress is definitely not linear. But I know for a fact that I’m not the same person I was ten years ago, five years ago, or even one year ago. My life looks so different now than it used to. But if I spent all that time looking back, then I know I wouldn’t be where I am now. I wouldn’t have the mindset I do.

I’m not going to pretend that this is easy, and this has definitely taken me a long time to get here. But I have made peace with the decisions I have made in my life, whether that’s keeping or losing friends, the jobs I have, the things I do to enjoy myself, or anything else.

Sometimes, also the things I go through aren’t just there for me to learn. I can use my experiences to provide advice to others. After all, no one walks through life alone. We all bring something to the table. The things we share help us learn and grow.

If the decision turns out badly, then you know what not to do for next time. Or better yet, maybe you can help guide someone else who will face this same decision later down the road.

I started this post by saying that I don’t have many regrets. There are some things that I do regret, mainly in terms of relationships with people who are gone. But I know many of them would be proud of the person I have become, and a lot of that was because of their help. I believe I will see them again someday, but I also have my own journey to complete. That journey only happens when I move forward instead of looking behind me.