I think it’s obvious that I’m not the same writer I used to be. This school year has been so rough on me for so many reasons.

I’m trying to come to terms with this change. My brain is rewired from all of the things I’ve gone through. One of the things that I’m trying to accept is that my focus is not the same as it used to be. I struggle with motivation and task completion. My entire life has taken a hit. It’s not just one area. It’s in my work, in tasks at home, and definitely in my blog.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to where I used to be, and for me that’s one of the hardest parts of all of this. I’ve been running this blog since October 2016. I like writing, but it’s been so difficult to think of ideas, let alone sit down and write them out. I hope that one day I can get back to a more consistent schedule.

I titled this post “Focus” because that is something I am working on improving. I am finally getting back to a point where I can make to-do lists again. I have literally felt like I am drifting for the past six months, and it has been some of the most stressful moments of my life. This lack of focus has made an already tough school year even worse. It’s really shown some changes that I need to make.

Speaking of school, I am writing this on the Tuesday after my spring break. We are officially in the last section of the year. My students have no more breaks until the end of the year. They have a little more than 30 school days left. I know many of them are ready to be done. I am ready to be done. But we have this last bit that we’re all going to have to be able to focus to accomplish the rest of our curriculum. This has been one of the hardest school years I have been through, both on a personal and professional level. I will probably talk more about this once the school year is actually over.

Focus, to me, is the ability to narrow down your sight to accomplish tasks. And there are so many factors that go into focus. Food, sleep, energy, motivation, vision, and target all go into focus. If any of those are off, then the focus is off. It’s like the idea of wellness I wrote about recently. It takes many parts to put it together.

I have been out of energy, off target, and I lost sight of the vision I have for myself. It makes sense then why I’ve been feeling the way that I have. Three of my focus factors have been out of line. When you shoot a gun, you don’t just think about the gun. You have to be mindful of your stance, your trigger finger, your support hand, your sight, and your target (not to mention wind, sun, or any other elemental factor if you’re shooting outside.) All of these things together make a great marksman. If one of those factors is off, then you have to readjust. You might have to change your stance, adjust your hands, make sure you’re aligned in the sight, and aim at the correct target. And usually, you adjust one at a time until you get it right.

I’m learning that regaining my focus is similar to shooting a gun (or using any other type of weapon.) I may not be able to do as much about the lack of energy at the moment. I’m reestablishing the vision I have for myself. Once I have that more clearly defined, then I can start working on the target in front of me. After that, the energy will come. I’m already seeing it come about as I’ve been working on myself and on these other areas that are out of focus.

It’s definitely been a journey. Some of you who know what all I have been through understand. And others of you who have no idea what’s going on are probably really confused right now. I may share the story, and I may not. I honestly have not decided as of yet. But I do know this. The experiences I go through teach me a lot and make me stronger. And even though this past year has been a longer process than most, I know that I will come back stronger and better than I ever was before.

I’m working on realigning my focus. It’s not been easy. But I think I am finally starting to see the results. I’ve been missing my target for what feels like forever. And even if I am not hitting a bullseye, I’m much closer than I was a few months ago. So if you find that what I’m writing resonates with you, please understand that this is going to take time. This is not a quick fix. My life turned upside down in September. It’s now April and I’m FINALLY starting to feel like I’m on the right track again. This has been six months of just missing the target every time. I can’t promise that trying to realign your focus will be easy (in fact, it’d be much easier to promise that it will be hard), but I can promise that you’ll learn a lot about yourself in the process.