I’m the type of person who wants things fixed quickly. If I’m going through an unpleasant situation, I tend to just want to be out of that situation as soon as possible.

I set goals for myself and have ideas of where I want to be. But I don’t want to take the journey to get there. I want to go from where I am now to that ideal version of myself without the long (and sometimes difficult) path to get there.

But I’m continually learning that trying to be at the destination is really just wishing your life away. Those hard moments are where the growth happens.

I don’t know if you figured it out (or if you didn’t have any idea), but my last relationship ended very poorly. My life completely imploded overnight. Navigating through all of that has been one of the hardest times of my life. All of a sudden, I felt like I was in a deep hole with no way out and no way of knowing how I got there in the first place. Everything changed. I lost joy in myself, my job, martial arts, and all other aspects of my life.

For a while, it felt like I wouldn’t get any better. The entire trajectory of my life changed. I wasn’t sure where I was going, and I felt so lost. There was no quick fix. There was so much to process, so much to come to terms with, and so much to figure out. It was during this time that I had someone say to me something I haven’t forgotten. They said, “The light at hen end of the tunnel is not the train.” I have since taken that to mean that things WILL get better. It’s gonna take a while (and trust me when I say that the tunnel was long), but I think I’m finally starting to see the light.

While I wouldn’t wish my experiences on anyone, I have made peace with all that has happened to me, and where I am because of it. I have learned so much about myself and about the people who care about me. My growth has not been linear. I’ve had good moments and bad ones.

I think one of the biggest things I have learned through all of this is to embrace the person you become when life changes you. People often say that everything happens for a reason I believe that’s true, but that definitely doesn’t help anyone feel better. Instead, I have come to the conclusion that the things that happen to you are meant to change you. You can either resist the change, or you can embrace the person that you become because of it.

Through the past six months, I have learned that the only way to grow and experience life is to go through those hard changes. Those quick fixes I so desperately wanted (and sometimes still want) are really just a way to avoid the unpleasant circumstances. But that won’t change that they are things I simply have to go through to get to where I want to be. I’ve been through grief and pain that I never imagined. I’ve become much coarser and more callous on some aspects of my personality. But in others, I’m more tender and soft than I ever anticipated.

As I finish out the school year, this lesson of quick fixes not being a real fix is one I want to carry with me. I’m trying to embrace the journey, including the hard parts. I still want to be better. I want to improve. But I know I can’t predict where life is going to take me. All I can do is the best I have with what I am provided. Those “quick fixes” probably aren’t going to be the actual fixes that I am going to need. And that’s okay. The journey is important too!