I’ve been talking a lot about being in the tunnel and in the midst of the rougher patches of my life. But today, I want to talk about something different.

I honestly don’t remember most of November through February. I can tell you about isolated moments here and there, but I can’t remember the transitional points.

Everything just felt so gray. Everything blended together. I barely had energy to get through the day, let alone do things I enjoyed. I was exhausted nearly as soon as I got to work or just started my day. It was so hard becuase I knew that I was capable of doing so much more, but my brain and body just wouldn’t let me get where I wanted to be.

Do you want to know what I DO remember, however? I remember exactly when things started to get better.

Because I am such a high rank in martial arts, I don’t get to test often anymore. I have to hold my belt for a long time before I am eligible to test. But to make sure that I am still learning and progressing, I midterm every so often. My most recent midterm was in March. I felt like I was going through the motions until something changed. Before we test, we go through a two-day training camp that is physically and mentally exhausting. Our first session on Saturday was self-defense. But we mainly did grappling. I got to learn a whole lot of new things at a more advanced level. I felt so excited! The grappling session really helped me work through my mental block and get out of the rut I was in.

From there, things got remarkably better almost instantly. I survived my last week until Spring Break. I had Parent Teacher Conferences that went well. I got to travel to Cleveland while on break. My local soccer club started their season. I got to see multiple Broadway plays. We did our business event and you already know that went well. And now, other things are changing for the better as well. This is my last week of this school year. There’s going to be not only a lot of endings, but also many new beginnings as well.

When I first recognized things improving, I wanted to run towards it. I wanted to be out of the tunnel so badly. It took everything in me to take the steps one at a time. And slowly, but surely, the light got bigger. Things got easier.  I felt like I was starting to become myself again. I could be excited about life. I found things to enjoy. The days got brighter.

I think I’m back to a point where I can start working on other things again. I’m no longer solely focused on the next blind step I have to take.

I don’t know if I’m fully out of this tunnel just yet. But I do know that I can use my story to help others. I have learned so much about myself recently. I definitely would not wish my circumstances on anyone else. But I do believe that I learned so much about myself in this struggle. I think I have become a better person because of what I have endured. I have found strength within myself that I didn’t know I had. I found support in unexpected places. I let myself experience every emotion. I’m a lot kinder to other people experiencing issues. But I have a lot lower tolerance for disrespect. I have no difficulties standing up for myself or for others.

Your tunnel may be different. You may not be able to see the light for days, weeks, months, or even years. Here’s something I do know. The light is there. The tunnel does not last forever. When you emerge on the other side, you’ll be a different person than you were before. Embrace the person you become. What you go through turns you into who you are. Keep going through your tunnel. Your light is coming.