If you’ve ever been on a plane, you’ve probably heard the title of today’s blog. “In the event of an emergency, please put on your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs.” That sentence isn’t just good for planes, but it’s also good for life as well.

I don’t like to make assumptions, but I’m going to try one in this case. I think that most people like to help other people at least in some way. We don’t like to see people struggle. However, you can’t help others if you are also struggling.

It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. It’s healthy. Taking care of yourself can take a lot of different forms. It can be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. Taking care of yourself physically deals with the food you eat, any exercise or physical activity you do, and how much sleep you get. Mentally, it can be taking charge of your mental health with things like journaling, going for a walk, going to therapy, or other things. Working on your emotional health can mean making sure there’s no hidden residual emotions stirring up trouble, like anger or bitterness. It can also mean venting to a friend, apologizing when you do wrong, and other things. Spiritual health can encompass many different things, like prayer, worship either on your own or in a community, seeking out a spiritual leader, or meditation.

You may also find that you’re doing fine in some areas and only struggling in one or two. That’s okay too. There should be no shame in asking for help. I know this is something I struggle with, but I am making an active effort to get better at it. Understand and recognize that you can only help to a certain point though if you’re struggling yourself. You can only do so much.

I have to put on my own oxygen mask too. I try to help others, but I can only do so much. I want to be strong and helpful and kind. And sometimes it’s difficult to recognize that I need to put on my own oxygen mask too. I’m not good at asking for help or acknowledging when I struggle. I would rather help everyone else, but in the end that exhausts me and burns me out. If I can recognize I need help putting on my own oxygen mask or can use the skills I’ve acquired to put on my own, then I can last longer and help more people. Otherwise, I’ll run out myself.

If this is a new concept for you, I want to give you a list of questions to ask yourself to recognize where you may be struggling. From there, hopefully you can find the things you need or at least areas to identify. I’m not a therapist. I’m not licensed to help anyone professionally, but I can give guidance and advice based on the things I’ve learned and what I’ve been through. And if this helps you, then that is an even better outcome!

Physical Health

• Have you eaten recently?
• What are you eating or did you eat?
• How are you hydrating yourself?
• How nutritious are your food and drink?
• When did you last sleep?
• How are you sleeping?
• Does it take you a while to fall asleep?
• How do you wake up? (In a relatively good mood or cranky? In a rush or gradually?)
• Are you getting enough sleep?
• When did you last shower or bathe?
• Are you keeping yourself clean?
• Do you smell?
• When was the last time you brushed your teeth?
• If you need to, are you brushing your hair on a regular basis?
• What exercise are you doing?
• How often are you exercising?
• Is there anything else you can do to take care of yourself physically?

Mental Health

• How are you feeling?
• How are your relationships with people you care about?
• How are you doing getting tasks done?
• Do you struggle with motivation?
• Do you feel mentally restless, like you have so many things to do and don’t know where to start?
• Do you wish you were dead?
• Do you wish you could go to sleep and not wake up?
• Do you feel burnt out?
• Is there anything you enjoy doing?
• Do you make time to do things you enjoy?
• Do you need to talk to someone about how you’re feeling?
• Are you able to regulate yourself and calm down?
• Do you have routines or habits to guide you?
• Do you feel overwhelmed?
• Can you use techniques to help you relax?

Emotional Health

• How do you feel right now?
• How have you been feeling in the past week?
• Did you have any conflicts in the past week?
• How did those conflicts make you feel?
• What, if anything, has made you angry recently?
• What, if anything, has made you sad recently?
• What, if anything, has made you happy recently?
• Do you feel you are heard?
• Do you bottle up your emotions?
• Do you explode at the smallest thing?
• Can you keep your emotions under control?
• Do you say hurtful things when you are upset?
• Has someone said hurtful things to you that made you upset?
• Have you let them know they hurt you, and have they apologized?
• Do you feel that you have to get even when someone does you wrong?
• Are you bitter about anything?
• What are your regrets?
• Can you do anything to fix those regrets?
• Are you able to fix your own mistakes?
• Can you say sorry?
• Can you forgive someone who wronged you?
• Can you ask forgiveness if you wronged someone else?
• Can you let go of any residual feelings that are causing you pain?

Spiritual Health

• How is your relationship with God, Allah, nature, or any other deity?
• When was the last time you worshipped?
• Why do you worship?
• How do you worship?
• Do you have a spiritual counselor?
• When did you pray/meditate?
• Do you have somewhere you can be alone and be in faith?
• What is your faith like?
• Do you have a community that can uplift and encourage you?
• Do you have people to strengthen you?
• Have you felt a divine power, presence, or spiritual connection recently?
• How does it feel when you pray/meditate?
• How does it feel when you connect with your spirituality?
• Can you read something that you feel resonates with where you are at in your life?
• Do you feel alone?
• Do you feel connected?
• Do you feel your life has meaning?
• Can you talk to someone about the deeper issues you are facing without being judged?
• Are you able to trust in the higher power you believe in and recognize?

Again, these are just guiding questions to provide a jumping-off point. Once you have answered these questions and others you may think of, then you need to start figuring out actions. I always recommend creating a worthwhile goal and then working backwards. In my opinion, knowing your finish line helps you create the steps you need to take to reach it. You also have to be willing to make a change. It is much more difficult to put an oxygen mask on your face if you’re shaking your head and moving around. Similarly, it is much more difficult to take care of yourself if you’re resisting or struggling. You can get better. You can improve. But you have to be willing to and work towards the goals you set for yourself. Otherwise, you will continue to struggle and flounder.

This is something I’m working on for myself. I don’t have all the answers. I struggle. Sometimes I ask for help, and sometimes I don’t. But I believe that by helping myself, I can help others and help more people to become a better version of themselves too.