I have made a decision for myself. After some events that happened last month, I’ve decided to lean in to myself, who I am, who I want to be, and what I like.

The first realization that has come from this is that I am and want to be soft. I like dresses and flowers. I went to a friend’s wedding last weekend and had a wonderful time. Reading is one of my favorite hobbies. I’ve picked up crochet this year. I enjoy bubble baths, pedicures, and taking time to treat myself. My cat is a joyous and preferred companion.

But that is not the only side of who I am. I am also powerful. I’ve spoken on here at great length about being a martial artist. The only thing I’m going to add to that discussion with this post is that I can consistently break through inches of wood. I’ve shot guns and thrown axes. I can be in the gym with heavy weights, especially in my legs. At one point in time, my workout was throwing people because of cheerleading.

I am both. I can wear a sundress, but that doesn’t mean that my calves are going to shrink. I can braid my hair and wear makeup while tying my black belt around my waist. I was on vacation last week. I went from throwing axes to crocheting in the car within a matter of minutes.

My softness doesn’t diminish my power. I don’t have to be less powerful to be more soft. One does not cancel out the other. I can be seemingly contradictory without being contradictory at all.

I mentioned earlier in this post that I was in cheerleading. However, that’s not the full story. In high school, I was a two-sport athlete, with cheerleading being my winter sport of choice. However, my fall sport was soccer. At the time, my school was too small to have a separate team for girls and boys, so our boys team became coed. I didn’t get as much playing time because I was girl. Nevertheless, I still had the respect of my teammates. They did not go any easier on me. It did not change any perceptions of me when I would be cheering for those same boys in a couple of months while they played basketball. In fact, I had a special relationship with the basketball team that the other cheerleaders didn’t have because of the time we shared on the soccer pitch.

I am soft AND powerful. I’m a martial artist, a teacher, a baker, and an athlete, among other things. They are all parts of me. I am not just one thing. The trajectory of my life has changed recently due to some traumatic events. I am powerful for getting out of that situation and standing up for myself. But I am soft for being open for other situations and interactions. I’m recognizing and accepting all parts of myself as I work to navigate this change of plans.

A celebrity example I think of for this is Tom Daley. Tom was an Olympic diver for Great Britain. However, he might have become more famous for his other interest. When he is not competing, he could be actively seen on camera knitting and crocheting. Diving is a powerful sport. The divers have to be able to jump off a platform, do all kinds of flips, and land in the water with as minimal a splash as they can manage. Working with yarn is often seen as a soft activity. If you think of someone knitting or crocheting, you might think of an elderly lady first. I know that I definitely don’t think of a 30-year old Olympic diver. I love that he is able to showcase more than just one side of himself.

Water is both soft and powerful. Many people think the sound of rain, water, or the ocean is relaxing. However, water can also be powerful in the form of floods, hurricanes, and tsunamis. Water carves out paths in rock to form canyons. But water also helps plants grow.

YOU can be both. You shouldn’t compromise one part of yourself just to fit into a mold. You definitely shouldn’t compromise yourself because of someone else’s expectations of you. You are allowed to be complex. You are allowed to be seemingly contradictory things.

Find your contradictions. There’s a lot of hobbies, projects, and interests out there. It’s okay if they seem to go against each other. Find what you like, no matter what people think of it or of you. You don’t have to do something because it’s expected of you . You can be any combination of who you want to be. Be wholly yourself!